Ahhh, I just realized I only wrote once in September…and it’s already October. Well, trying to figure out the insanity behind debilitating depression early in the month and then trying not to be too uptight about all the Dr appointments, the month completely got away on me. Good news is that for now the worst of it is over as you’ve seen in the last post.
I was a bit concerned about the last meeting with my hematologist but as it turns out since this was the first time there was a substantial increase in the leukemia marker my Dr isn’t yet too concerned. He believes it’s due to all the other meds I’ve been on in the past 5 months. I’ll be doing another blood test this week to see if this is an ongoing trend or just a one time thing.
I sort of feel like this portion of cancer treatments is over and life will get to back to normal for a while again. Weird thing is that I don’t know what normal is supposed to look like now. I’ve spent 5 months “being sick” and all of the sudden last week almost all the “sick” dropped off and normal reemerged…now what? I know…it’s definitely a good thing but it’s really strange too. I have to change the way I do life again instantly. You finally find out what works for you with the illness and you have to change it because it’s not what works for you when you are mostly well. It’s sort of like when you change your life to get healthy and loose weight…you change all the things you eat, you have to make time to get to the gym and whatever else…but you “do” life differently. I’m now trying to figure out how to do life again. Well, that might sound totally odd or perhaps really basic considering the worst of the illness is done and I should be ecstatic. Don’t get me wrong now, I am ecstatic! It’s just a little daunting to start life all over again. Although I hate to admit it, I do feel like the big “C” looms overhead waiting for the next time it can kick me. It feels a little like I’m going to get life in order again just in time for cancer treatments to kick the shit out of me again…and that’s really not a fun prospect.
Anywho, that’s what’s on my brain for the moment…whatever it’s worth.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
2 comments:
Your honesty is very refreshing Carin.. I do hope and pray that the big C will never return to you. You have had a tough road and most people would not be as positive as you usually are.
It was sad for me to hear a few blogs back that you lost friends because you talked about your cancer when you were 15. I guess those friends were just not as mature as you are. Blessings to you and your husband.
love Betti
Good post.
Post a Comment